cookies and cream metRX bars are the best

 unfortunately, they're also not stocked by my favorite grocery store anymore :/

 

I am now in Massachusetts! Isn't that a vibe? 

For some reason I immediately got a nosebleed upon waking. I would not have expected that -- MA is usually much more humid. There's a very big horsefly chilling on the window next to my pillow and that's not concerning at all

Flights were very chill yesterday. I took the bus to get there and that was the most nerve-wracking part, because I was very worried that I would miss it. But I didn't, and I pretty much relaxed after that. I know what to do with the plane bit, I've done that before. I hadn't checked my bags before, but the folks at the airport were very chill and helped me with that. 

I got there about three hours early, which meant that I actually couldn't get into the airport proper until closer to the leave-time. That was okay. I found a cosy spot along the wall and hunkered down to crochet and then also find a few Steam games that didn't take much bandwidth to play and install those. Didn't end up actually playing any of them, though, because somewhere along the way I had the idea to go read the Project Hail Mary book. That was cool, I liked the book. The movie was very faithful to the book, which meant that the book's primary purpose was to provide a hecking lot more information about what was going on behind the scenes and why. That's the thing, the book took so much time with the science (tm) and other scenes that didn't necessarily have to be there that the movie didn't have to take very many scenes out at all.

The actual flights were cool. Last time I underpacked my food, but this time I overpacked. I also bought mozzarella sticks for $20 which is INSANE. On the plus side, they were very good mozzarella sticks. I don't like much fast food, but I have a weakness for those in particular. I ate like three of those and then I was actually good for most of the flight. I guess because they had so dang much fat  

Got home okay, around midnight. My mom picked me up. Unlike last time, I didn't lose anything in the airport and have to take an entire hour looking all over for my bags! I'd say that's good

PS. Got home and discovered my family has stacks and stacks of the metRX bars. Cookies and cream in spades. I am very happy about this  

intro post

 Hello lovely people!

This is a blog I keep mostly updated so that people can learn what I’m up to, and also to keep a written record of things for myself 👌🏼

Feel free to comment, or even ask me IRL about stuff I talked about here! This was started so that I don’t have to summerize the minutia of my life to people unless they’re genuinely interested and want to know more and it will continue to serve that function, I hope.

I am a writer and artist, very active in the swtor and the arcana fandoms. I love to yap about my OCs — feel free send me an ask via this Google doc:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-69D1hYv_y4wUnohL5YPu7q1_qOycTJarOp6x7TnaU0/edit?usp=drivesdk

 just add your question and your name to the list that starts on the second page and tell me who it’s for!

Anywho I think that’s all the pertinent info lol. Enjoy! (Or don’t, I don’t really care)

actually, I wuuud

 Well fam after two packing sessions and a lot of blood sweat tears (just the sweat, actually. the blood and tears are for dramatic effect), it would seem that my room is... somewhat packed. I have gotten permission from management to do a recheck of my room, because it failed last time, and I'm getting pretty close -- it's just tricky because last fall when I did this, I only had to pack up my room because I wasn't actually moving out or anything. This time, I had to pack everything up, including stuff in the bathrooms and cupboards and pantry and fridge, because it's all got to go into my room for storage over the summer, AND pack the stuff I'm taking with me into separate suitcases that I will be taking to the airport tomorrow. 

I suppose it's probably good that I didn't switch my flight to Thursday. I thought I could do it in time and... I definitely could not. There was more stuff to pack up than last fall, for one. I have a pancake griddle and it won't fit in any of my boxes 💔

  I took a typing test yesterday just to see what it was, and it consistently hovered around about 90-95, even with the more difficult version with more difficult to type words. It used to be 85-90! I'm very happy to have my clacky keyboard, it's super clacky and whenever I type fast the sound of all the clacking is very very satisfying!!

Had kind of an adventure yesterday. I needed a suitcase so I could bring my clothes with me and I didn't have a car, so I took the shuttle to Walmart. Got my suitcase -- there was a big and a small and I was going to get the small but decided on the big and I am SO GLAD I did. Even with the really big suitcase it was a bit of a struggle to get all the clothes in.

There are two crows hanging out on a parking lot light outside! It's about the same height of my window, which is a little weird to think about, and they're just kind of pecking at the top of it. Why they would do that, I have no idea.

Anyway, I remembered that I needed to get stuff out of my car because it was getting sold and I still had my stuff in it, and the mechanic is just down the road from Walmart, so me and my suitcase walked down the street that was somewhere between a highway and a main road (on the sidewalk. don't get too worried) (except there was some construction along part of it, so I did actually have to walk on the street. the suitcase was very shiny and rose-gold and did wonders for visibility, I think)

got to the mechanic and got out my stuff. It was good I brought the suitcase with me because then I was able to put all my stuff into it from the car, and bring it all back to Walmart to catch the next shuttle. except I missed it, and then I accidentally missed the next one as well, so I didn't actually leave until multiple hours later. I only had like 7 dollars left in cash at that point because the suitcase cost more than expected, so I bought two bananas and two wheat rolls off the clearance shelves for about $1.20 total and settled down on one of the seats inside to wait. never fear though, I got home eventually

it's really nice when I do a lot of stuff in the evening and tire myself out. Most of the time I don't really feel like going to sleep, but if I do a lot of mental or physical work that day, it's real easy to go to sleep on time because I'm actually like, tired. So that's pretty neat.

I still have quite a few snacks on hand, in addition to the actual food. A big bag of spicy Doritos from a ward activity, some goldfish crackers I bought on a whim, half a packet of pistacio pudding, three nearly full bottles of root beer, and a bag of chocolate chips. That's nice. Usually I don't have very many snacks around, and it's been really nice being able to snack when I'm tired and snack-ish.

Finally wrote back to one of my missionary friends. She sends so many emails with so much stuff that it's actually pretty difficult to keep up. I get to it every 1-2 months, roughly. It's alright, the emails go to a bunch of people so I'm sure she gets lots of replies back. IDK. If/when I'm ever a missionary, I'm going to be much worse at sending emails out, I think.

 

wouldn't you like to work a little closer to home

 hmm what has actually happened

good stuff: yesterday -- kept busy. Don't quite remember everything I did, but I'd been working on a particular piece of art for a while and I finally finished it! Made it for Nathan's consular in SWTOR, because he's doing Artfight as well. I was happy how it turned out. Not sure if he liked it particularly well or not, but that's okay.

Hung out with Sam, did a walk, made some food, got root beer. It was nice, especially we hadn't seen each other in a hot sec. And uh yeah! Busy day.

Today? I don't even know what has happened. It's late afternoon right now and the time went somewhere, but I'm not entirely sure where. I did have a medication appointment to take at noon, and that went really well? And I haven't been bored. I've kept myself busy. Not...

White glove checks are tomorrow and I have done absolutely nothing. I think I might cry 

I suppose (with the voice)

 second day of nothing this week. Not too bad all things considered. Hate all my clothes right now and that's not the best

But! got to the store, bought some stuff I really needed. Now that school is done I've been putting the Brain Energy towards art as well as beta-reading. That got put on hold for a little bit because I was busy and stressed, but now I'm neither. So! Beta-reading. Fortunately, the guy I'm reading for has been patient with me, and I'm grateful for that. I felt bad that I agreed to do a thing and then disappeared for a few months :/

Got more root beer! Couldn't make it to the candy store, but that's alright. The grocery store has at least a few specialty root beers -- most came in a four pack which wasn't ideal, but there was one brand I hadn't tried before that was sold just as individual bottles. Here's hoping it's better than the last one.

It just occured to me yesterday how helpful my ability to type quickly is. So much of what I do involves writing and typing and if I couldn't do it as fast, I don't know what I'd do. Like this blog, for example, it's much easier to do stuff when I can write a lot in a short amount of time. Let the letters keep up with my brain, at least a little bit. My brain moves... quickly. Writing makes me slow down, but if it was too slow I would simply lose interest, I think. 

And writing! And journaling! Most of my mental processing I do through writing, or typing -- without those things, I would find it very difficult to think critically about things, I think

It's still pretty hot here, but it's really nice how dry it is. I'll go out into 90 degree weather and barely notice the difference between that and 80 degree weather. Like I intellectually know that it's really hot out but it doesn't, like, bother me. Unlike MA, where I get all sweaty and gross pretty much immediately.

people asked me all the time what my type was, Fall semester. Thankfully I don't get that very much these days! But I never did have a very good answer for them. But I think I've got it, now -- at least appearance-wise, it's very much a tan skin blond hair situation. That combo specifically. They could be a jerk or a total stranger and I would immediately go 👀👀 anyway. It's unfortunate. I don't recommend having a type it's a hindrance with no upsides

quid pro quo

 idk man it's been kind of a day

slept in, missed church

there's a closing social tomorrow (?) that I sort of planned but I'm not actually very good at stuff. There wasn't going to be one at all, because nobody else was on top of their game either, but then I was like okay we should at least do something, so I got one person to do some stuff and asked the Bishopric to do some other stuff and I sure as heck hope they do it because there's no way I'm doing any more with that besides showing up to set up. 

to be clear, I did go to church. Just not my ward. Ward that was meeting later in the day. They had a linger longer afterward, as it turned out! With actual food, not just cookies. Very nice for me. I got a bag of Doritos to bring home.

Made muffins with a recipe I got off the box. Lovely texture. lovely texture. Taste was mid, because it didn't have anything to make it taste better. Maybe white chocolate on top would help. Some kind of topping, perhaps

All of the assignments for one of my classes are due today, which is uhhh

I haven't done two of the projects. I was hoping to bang out one of them today, but I'm having trouble getting started because I have to do Research and that makes me tired.

All my classes are essentially done after this weekend. At some point, I will fly home. I don't have a ticket and I also don't know where I'm actually going with that ticket. Which would be good. To know. Also I would like my car back. My pinkie nail is getting too long. I'm getting the urge to get out my tablet and draw for two hours and that would be a very bad idea. SOS

status quo

 cool outfit today. we vibin

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I am terrible at outfit design. And character design, in general. No consistency. I would much rather draw landscapes from a reference than come up with outfits, actually -- it's not something that comes naturally to me.

root beer of the fortnight is pretty mid and I couldn't quite put my finger on why until I realized that it tasted like a root beer float after all the ice cream had melted. Caramel + cream, too sweet. Probably something that other people like, but it sure as heck isn't my thing.

New insult acquired: donkey! Synonymous with 'jerk'. But jerk just doesn't have the emphasis I'd like. I'm hoping to acquire a collection of 'jerk' alternatives, so that I can have variety.

I have discovered that I have very small wrists. This is something I really like as a design element in characters so it's pretty neat that I've got it, too. Congrats, me! I have acquired a Hux Attribute TM

My plant is blooming!! I'm very happy that it hasn't died. And it's not just dead, it's blooming all over the place, lots of flowers, and they're literally my favorite color of flower ever.  

Poetry website is down :( guess I'll have to do some ask prompts instead. Or rather, go bother my family for ask prompts, since I don't actually have any right now (citation needed)

Cursing my brain for being slow. It was never a problem when most of what I did was uncomplicated and straightforward, with a conversation partner who is easy-going. Less so when things get more complicated. Mostly my solution thus-far has been to avoid stuff like that, because I am worried about saying something wrong, but not all of them are avoidable.

Forgot to say this earlier, but I have watched Project Hail Mary and now I'm seeing some very fun fanart about it. I really don't want it to invade my dashboard, because it's popular and my other interests are not and it's going to crowd out the stuff I actually care about, but I do like the movie. I think I could really get into it, to the point of joining the fandom and making fanart and stuff, but the fact that it's so popular is putting me off. If I do stuff with it, I don't want other people coming in with fanon or whatever. I want to engage with it on my own terms, I think.

 Life is otherwise not going well. I don't know what to do with that, so it's going in the "For Later" box.

statice

 continuing with the whole updating frequently thing—

went to bed at like 9:30 last night which is CRAZY but like, I'd had free time all the way from noon until then, which meant 9 hours of completely open time. So I honestly feel pretty satisfied with myself for managing to fill all that time. Took an exam, called the boyfriend, labelled a bunch of my pinecones (we're due to make another full string of them!! very excited), did beta-reading for the boyfriend, took a break to update my note-doc with a bunch of new info on characters, did some art for the boyfriend, went to bed.

Hmm. Noticing a trend. Idk, giving me fun projects to do is a significant perk of this relationship. 

Oh, and I wrote poetry! Forgot that one. Not for the boyfriend (nope nope I take that back. one was for him and the other two were not). There are daily poetry prompts, with weekly themes, and this week I've been a bit stuck, because the theme is "Who we are when nothing is being asked" so like. No expectations, and what that's like. Except I feel like I have expectations all the time, so these prompts really left me at a loss for a bit. Still do, but I'm working at it, and I think that's kind of the point? To make you think about things you wouldn't do naturally.

Good news! I was worried about figuring out storage for the stuff in my apartment, but turns out you can just pay the apartment people and they'll let you keep all your stuff in your room for the summer. This is very very good for me. Much less on my plate now. I do have several projects due that I will fail the class without, so that's uh. Fun. I don't want to think about it.

Craving donuts. I dunno what it is about those (and Zebra Cakes) specifically but I have a weakness for them both. And powdered donuts filled with custard. It's like... just that specific vibe, I suppose. Vanilla cake, but no frosting. I hate frosting, but none of those three things have frosting. So we're good (I mean. Only if you count really liking food that's terrible for me as good)

Discovered that my blue Salvia that I'd been keeping in a Darth Vader cola can for a month or so had dried, but it was still purple! Turns out it's the kind of flower that dries really really well. I wish I had gotten more of them!!! But the two stems I have, I've put on my desk where they will live for the foreseeable future. I'm so so so happy because those, specifically, are currently my favorite flowers, and outside they're all dying out mostly. So now I have these to keep year-round!!!

 

 

okay I guess there were more photos sorry folks

none of the above poems are mine, I found them on HelloPoetry and was struck by them that's all
 

photodump λ

Blond one is Tharris and Blue one is Ffe’ud. The “psalm” was written by yours truly

some cool art or some such

 I dunno if these are showing up with good quality. I hope they are :/ but the first one is of Killik hives on Alderaan in SWTOR, and the second is of another artist's OC, Aelis, during the Battle of Ilum (also in SWTOR)

Card (tea)

 shout out to sam for badgering me out of inactivity <3

 hmm what has even happened. I don't remember what has happened.

bad news first! I still don't have a debit card and I also still don't have a car. Which is to say the car isn't operating at 100% capacity and also it will keep breaking down unless several things are fixed and fun fact this will cost a Lot of Money so now it's just not an option

which means a road trip is not an option

That's fine, I think. I didn't really want to drive 7 whole days on my own anyway. 2 days? cool. Three days? maybe. Not seven days, though, ESPECIALLY because half of them would be in, like, Nebraska and such. Corn corn corn as far as the eye can see... but no, now I'm getting flown home instead. Which is better, I think, except that now I can't just pack all my stuff into the car, I'm going to need to work out storage and such.

My only final is this weekend. I'm not worried. What I am worried about is the Religion project(s) that are due, also by this weekend. That is bad. If I don't do them and do well at them, I will fail the class.

I'm a little too tired right now to actually be emotionally excited, but please believe me when I say I'm very very excited to be going to Michigan over the summer. It's been a long long time coming. Among other things, we've got plans to hang out by the river, visit a flea market, go to art museums, get frozen yogurt -- 

I love trips like these. I'm very very excited

I've gotten into actively doing SWTOR recently! I've made several new characters I'm excited about and so I'm playing them through their class stories and expanding their lore/character stuff :)). And I got Nathan to play through with one of them, which is great! I've been looking for a SWTOR friend for ages. So far, he isn't really a fan of the story he's doing, but I'm hopeful it'll get more interesting once we get out of the Prologue. Also, I think I give up on things a little too quickly, when they look like they aren't going to work out. Perhaps a side effect of having things frequently not work out with family members, lol. We don't always have a lot of common interests.

 I'm gonna post an image dump as well -- I'll include my new characters as well as some art I did for Artfight (I talked about what that is in the previous post, if you're wondering). As always, reminder that there's an ask document in the Intro post! I always enjoy getting asks about my characters :) 

 

Card (bicycle)

Art!! I’d been working on a piece of art for a prompt for a while, and this one in particular was important to me because I was trying to make something with color and shading, to fill a whole canvas. I don’t make backgrounds very often, but I actually enjoy making them much more than drawing characters, I think. I made characters originally because I was imitating my friend, and she was interested in costume design. That’s how it is lol I just kind of pick up everyone else’s interests. I piggyback. 

But yeah, I think I like background. Landscapes. I went to the temple the other day and sure a bunch of them were people (Jesus or scripture stories or whatever) but a whole lot more were mountains and forests and fields and just. Sooo much majesty!

Anyway, for some reason I signed up for a summer art exchange, so I’m gonna be working on art of a stranger’s Sith OC getting coffee with his girlfriend. Which. You know, I’ll figure it out, but it just seems a bit ironic that I’ve decided I like landscapes just in time to draw two characters :/

Artfight has also started!! Biggg monthlong art event where you post original characters on the website, and everyone makes art of each other’s characters. Except it’s also a competition, sort of. I’m ignoring that bit, though.

I’d like to do at least a few attacks for that, but not right

now. I’ve got a lot of other things on my plate.

Like poetry, for example! I know I talked about that last time but I’m still doing it, like a half hour a day to write and read poetry. I like that it makes me feel stuff. Maybe it’s like cartharsis, the way sad stories bring that out. But I think a lot of stories let details get in the way, and poetry doesn’t, as much. I suppose you could say poetry is lazy? But I think it also lets individual lines carry more weight. It’s like, if there isn’t a lot said then there’s meaning in everything. No filler.

So yeah, I’ve been doing that. Unfortunately, most of the poetry that people might relate to is also about them, so I can’t really send it :<

Card (fingers)

 By jove, I seem to have neglected posting! Alright men man the oars we’ve got people to update

…Uhh. 

What has even transpired the last week??

Bio test, BIG bio test. Learned literally none of it in the days leading up to the exam, got an extension, got through the unit in three days and passed the exam best nicely on Wednesday

Made a hellopoetry account on a whim. Nathan has one and occasionally posts there and, you know, I’ve got poems. So I figure, why not?

The website has daily prompts! So I’ve been doing those lately, because I’m in a poetic mood. Philosophizing. It seems I have a knack for turning nearly any conversation into a commentary on human nature, and I’m not entirely sure that’s a good thing. I’m musing about all that but most people don’t on a daily basis. So

Keep forgetting to account for being emotionally numb. There are a number of things I would have handled better this week if I’d kept that in mind.

I keep hearing about the awful heatwave. Over here, it’s somewhere in the 80s and very cold at night and I’m very grateful. 

Sam is still gone for the week. I miss her :((

I’ve been feeling pretty weird the last few days. In general. Didn’t really feel like wearing much of anything so I tied scarves around my entire torso for the compression and walked around in my raincoat. I dunno what I’m going to do I don’t like any of my clothes or being outside or existing as a sentient being or

Corinthians

Okay as per usual I basically just freaked out for a solid 1-2 days and now I am… less… freaked out. Probably. We shall see what happens once class starts again. Dndnenfj 

Anyway. Yesterday, made some crazy cake. Chocolate. Delicious, I love chocolate cake. It was, quite frankly, kind of a bad idea to make an entire cake just for myself. I’ve got like a third left. To be clear: it’s cake, but it doesn’t look like a cake. I dumped the batter in a frying pan stuck the frying pan in the oven. It fell apart when I dumped it out. So it’s sitting in a chunky heap on a plate right now. If I was serving it to people I would definitely just dump it in bowls with ice cream, but…

Also, today — forgot that I’d bought stuff for chicken chili the other day, and the stuff was sitting in the fridge! So I did that today. Didn’t have lime juice so I used bitter lemon mixer that’s meant to go in mocktails and such (it’s sour lol that’s good enough for me) and I used some shredded cheese I had on hand instead of cream cheese. Also no cumin or coriander, so. curry powder!

Turned out really good. I’ve got a bunch of leftovers now, that should keep for a good 4-5 days. 

Anywho. Most Sundays I go a little crazy because there’s just so much time that could easily turn into a whole lot of nothing. But. Kept myself busy enough, played chess. I’m starting to work on finding games I can play with people who aren’t nearby, since most of my friends aren’t :<

… I miss my board game group. One of these semesters I’m gonna get a D&D group going and it’s gonna be epicccc

we do be exceling

 (but not at spreadsheets, that’s Sam’s job)

2/5 today, and I'm doing pretty ok.

Took a bunch of my poetry (not ALL of it. some of it's not as good and I'd be embarrassed to put it up) and made a poetry website account for them all. For recordkeeping, and also maybe someone will come along and decide they like my poems! Who knows

Some friends invited me for board games and pizza, I was very glad for that, although I didn't stay as long as they did (three hours, and they still wanted to keep going. hOW)

I went over to Sam's house, we chilled on her floor (very nice. She's going home and I'm going to miss her) 

Yesterday was kinda iffy, I didn't have words and I really wanted to talk to people. I was pining for connection, I think, and I do believe the experience is kind of awful. 

 I can't keep up with Good Omens anymore. Season 3 is out, and I'm afraid of spoilers.

I think I want to learn landscape painting. People are okay, but I only really do it because I have characters and I want people to know what they look like. It's a necessity, a chore. But landscapes -- environments -- those are the good stuff. Places I can go, places I can be in. Right now, I don't have a car, and also the entire area is just farmland and desert. So. Escapism! 

And, well. I didn't much care for writing when it was about plot, but I'm thinking now that I would like to write when it's expressing something about myself. Which is why poetry is the vibe right now. Poetry is taking things I don't know how to say and saying them. Writing books or whatever is... I dunno. I don't really care about the plot or most of the characters and it's hard to write stuff I don't care about.

I DO still want to learn DMing, though, even though it is boring. To paraphrase Nathan, all art is, at its heart, a bid for connection. 

Coriander

 Yeah kind of a weird few days

- Freaked out over something. Should have just given myself time to chill out and instead I just made a whole mess of things. Regret

- Hung out with Sam, that was nice

- I’ve been trying to do some art and it’s been a hot second!! But I’ve actually managed to do some stuff this week :0 got through a bit of writing, started some art. I don’t feel like it’s very good but I’m trying my best not to care

Lowkey having an existential crisis. More at 11

Made cookies. That was great. Wellness program talked about values. That was sorely needed.

Doing my best to take care of myself and I suppose that’s the best I can do. And make cookies, even though I’m out of nearly everything I could use to make them.

 I’m kinda starting to get what everyone says about persistence. I don’t see it as enduring to the end, so much as just. Enduring. Things are the way they are and I will be happy anyway. I WILL. And that’s the thing about people is you can’t ever break their spirit, never completely. They just keep getting up

It’s like… people say life goes on, and it does, and it’s like a bulldozer, an immovable force. But people go on, too, and that’s the bit that gives me hope.

Anyway. After that philosophical break we’ll get on with our regularly scheduled life update:

- slowly finding stuff you can do with people that aren’t nearby. Scrabble, chess. Drawing together, going on a walk and taking their voice with you. Calling and just, rambling about whatever crosses your mind. Nothing structured, just kind of… if there’s one thing I can usually do, it’s wander, verbally. Wander about.

And wander physically, too. In a car and on foot and in cities, just exploring at my own pace 

My dad says that he’s slow sometimes, and I thought I was different. But now I think sometimes I’m also slow. In a good way. I’m slowing down to understand and appreciate, I guess. Stopping to smell the flowers. They didn’t smell good at all, but that’s… that’s my point. It’s still beautiful even if it’s ugly.

And um. Maybe it makes sense to me, that there’s so much art made by people who aren’t doing well. Sometimes you aren’t doing well and you hold on with art. But also… all the pieces of yourself are broken up and raw and exposed, and anything you say or make is just so so full of emotion. I’m overflowing and it needs somewhere to go so I put it into art.

So uh. Yeah that’s how things are

duality of hair pt 2

 (I got my hair cut)

duality of hair

 

I didn’t do ANYTHING DIFFERENT it just. Is it wavy is it straight?? Who the heck knows????

chamomile

 (small, white and yellow, energy in adversity)