going home wheee

alrighty then so travelling has been a whole Thing

- thought it took 1.5 less hours to get to the airport than it actually does. had to reschedule the flight to tomorrow morning :')))

- decided to drive in anyway and just hang out in the area for the night. people sleep in airports right??

 - thought the car might have a flat tire. it didn't. stressed the whole rest of the way thinking that various bumps and jiggles were actually the tires blowing. they didn't.

- stopped at In n' Out because I Could and because I don't have one nearby at home or where my family lives. so might as well take the opportunity right? turns out their hamburgers really are AMAZING when you put the right stuff on them. I used to hate hamburgers but I think that might just be because I threw up after eating them once, and also because most hamburgers are really bad quality. but in and out actually tasted like real food

- quite a nice little airport. only one terminal and the economy lot was right close to the airport :) security took 10 minutes tops. now I'm just chilling here!! and people watching. people in airports are always really stylish (or rather, you can see some really stylish people in airports. not everyone is, but there is more variety than in a typical college town at least)

- nothing else better happen. I think if anything else happens I might just melt into the floor. we're enjoying ourselves but the resilience battery is depleted

- we'll see if i get very bored over the flight. I have a notebook and a phone. and pencils. and a drawing app. besides that nothing. but maybe I will watch something, or just stare into space. planes aren't that bad except when you have to use the bathroom multiple times and you feel like your seatmates are judging you and it's just that I drink a lot of water, ok???

- it's barely even 11 lol and I'm already exhausted. I think sleep will be fairly easy. I hope so anyway 

A

 

I birbing hate cleaning so hecking much I hate it and my legs feel wobbly like jello and I’m not entirely sure why

december 17

 - went to physics final at 7 o’clock in the morning. Totally dark out, raining, wind was crazy. The five min I was walking to class I legit hated my existence

- actual exam was.. ok. I prayed for help and was able to figure out all the problems, despite struggling with them on the past. That’s a win. There’s at least one problem I know I will get marked down because I forgot to write down the G constant and I needed it. Hopefully they won’t take off too much??

- now I’m sitting in the library. I’m really hungry but also I will have to walk through the cold and wet to get home and I don’t even have very good food there? And I’m tired. Maybe I will just take a nap on this couch. Not entirely sure how I will get myself OFF the couch as I am hungry and tired and will only get more of both with time. More at 11 I suppose 

decemeber 16 also but it's later in the day *wow*

so sometimes I have high creativity, sometimes not. apparently sometimes my creative tides turn into a tsunami and I have one BIG idea all at once and sit at my computer for hours typing it all out. I kept wishing for more creative juice and I got it! guess that shows me to be careful what I wish for. Maybe slow-drip creativity is actually fine. at least it puts less strain on my poor behind which had to sit in a cheap folding desk chair for three hours straight

also unrelated: i got a big jar of applesauce and about a week later it started smelling and tasting like apple cider vinegar. so. maybe it fermented?? that did NOT happen with my last applesauce jar so maybe this one is just ~spicy~ 

got a late birthday present from my friend on a mission. that was uhhh really sweet and also quite unexpected, since we only communicate via email. she sent me three painted rocks! and a letter. usually I don't care much about gifts but that one was really touching because I didn't expect it at ALL. that's why we should just totally detach gift giving from Christmas. Just give gifts because you love people, don't make it a social expectation. Like bruh if it's a social expectation it is also no longer really meaningful to me as an expression of affection. At least with family, I feel like either you give stuff and it's expected, or you don't and it's offensive. Either way there's not a lot particularly positive about it especially if we're actively encouraging kids to present their parents with a list of stuff they want bought for them. In that case, it's not even reciprocal!!!

was talking with another friend, he told me about what his family does and it sounded like something I'd really like. Instead of parents getting everyone gifts, instead they do "secret santa" and each person only has to get a gift for ONE other person. The parents pay for all the gifts but the kids pick the present out! and presumably wrap it and stuff. I really like that and I feel like it's much better for kids so they can focus on what to get their siblings instead of just writing a really long letter to Santa of stuff that they want for themselves. 

december 16

 It is well and truly finals season now… the living room  is squeaky clean because our white glove check is soon, I’m sitting in a common study area that’s usually packed with people and not a soul is here besides me. The campus feels empty and this will get worse with time…

I’m at my personal halfway point for finals. The two important classes are Greek and Physics and I have the following stuff to do:

- physics: turn in as much missing work as I can before the deadline that was yesterday. That’s done

- now it’s all up to the final to determine my final grade. I’ll be taking that tomorrow.

- Greek final was a takehome packet I got yesterday. We went over the whole thing in class today including having each person write their answers up on a board where everyone else was encouraged to take pictures.

- since I actually did the packet myself beforehand and felt pretty good about it, it almost felt kind of anticlimactic to get to class and have everyone get told the answers? Sigh. 

- and I have until the end of the week to get in missing work. That’ll be what I’m doing tomorrow afternoon and the next day, most likely. 

- every other class is pretty much done. I’ve got 80s, maybe a few 90s. Not stellar but not terrible either!

- trying my best to avoid burnout. It’s a real danger. Going to try to take breaks, go on walks, exercise. Food situation isn’t great because it’s the end of the semester but we do the best we can and it should be okay. I’ve got bread and milk and yogurt which means I’m lacking produce but otherwise ok.  

they arrts

 

december 15

 Well today wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Got a surprising amount of stuff done with the power of ✨✨✨external accountability✨✨✨

- just kinda birbed through class. Both classes said they would be doing review but spent quite a lot of time NOT doing review. So. THIS IS WHY ITS HARD FOR ME TO GO TO CLASS

- body doubled. Then worked on physics for a few hours with a friend. Then she was like, let’s help you hang up that wall art you’ve been wanting to put up!! So… we did that? Then I met up with the local Physics Major Friend and I just wanted help with one problem but it turned into an hour and a half of chilling and studying. 

Turns out he’s actually dealing with the class the same way I am, only on steroids because he can solve most of the problems in his head and neglected to do the majority of homework assignments. So. But we did puzzle out the initial problem eventually.  

- art building always has art presentations going on! I mentioned earlier in the semester I looked at that, and now they have a Christmas themed exhibit so I stopped by to look at that. They even had two Rembrandt pieces which. Okay FLEX

- my end of year grades are actually looking pretty decent — 80s and 90s, with a single 77 for physics and long as I do well on the final exam that shouldn’t be an issue. Certainly not as good grades as I’d like, but pretty good for my courseload and mental health. So!!

- I think after my physics exam I will go get a smoothie or something. Do something to celebrate the end of the semester, or maybe it’ll be a concilation drink to deal with the exam going poorly? Either way. And then I’ve got a white glove check 💀 but you know what we’re gonna make it through one way or another

them clothes parte tres

  https://drive.google.com/file/d/12Z_cffUHBQrmG-F1O61SkWQAo3Q7ocFC/view?usp=drive_link

There was a final walk of everyone in the fashion show - video was too long for blogger lol so have a google drive link instead

them clothes parte deux

 

them clothes

 All the clothing design classes had a fashion show today!

- children’s wear. People came up with babies and toddlers. One kid came up with a whole tulle train she had to hold. Another kid did a twirl. A little guy, maybe 8 years old, also showed up in a really sweet suit 

- seniors did capstones! Like one or two super fancy outfits that they designed themselves. We got wedding dresses, ballroom skirts that swish fancy, literally a whole birbing poncho and multiple dresses inspired by the emperors new groove??? A historical “henfu” from a specific era of Chinese traditional clothes. Dress made of entirely recycled fabric (including a dress made with strips of denim). 

- pattern making class, made basic dresses but designed their own patterns to do it

- it was refreshing how many different body types there were. Like sure there were a few people who legit looked like models but there were also plenty of fat people who also looked amazing and I really appreciated that idk

- shiny, fun sleeves, basic sleeves, fancy skirts not so fancy skirts. Literally alll the things

- my friend came up and her design was very much her style. Very unique. It was neat seeing her up there making it her own

- there was a tech pattern class who bought a retail garment and tried to reverse engineer it. Models came up with both so we could compare them, which was neat. I wish they had told us which was the real one though.

- always fun when a guy would come up with something and it was clearly him just doing it for his girlfriend or wife. Or when they would model stuff together?? Cute. Shout out to the senior capstone project that was literally designing her own wedding dress

- edgy stuff, comfy stuff, really all sorts of styles which I also really appreciated. People did what they wanted. I liked the velvet. We don’t get nearly enough stuff with velvet in it imho! Poofy sleeves, ruffles and embellishments, sweepy skirts, tailed custom clothes

- historical fashion!!!! People made clothes from their time period, with techniques from the time period!!! AGHHHHH

- some of the fitted dresses were uhhh very fitted. I’m surprised they were willing to go up in front of so many people wearing dresses like that  🤨

- some of the clothes weren’t very impressive looking, but apparently required a lot of fairly difficult technical skills. I appreciate that! 

- an entire line collection inspired by medieval costuming!?!? 

- draping class! Includes vintage swimsuits bruh that’s sooo cool. Do funky stuff with a dress form and then it’s the coolest looking dress ever??? I’m gonna decease LEGIT

pHoToS

 

As always questions are welcome

December 10

 - it is now aesthetically winter. Snow in the ground, people are wearing coats and white and black and red. The fashion has visibly changed. I thought I would hate winter but so far I actually like it better. 

- the concept and early design phase is quite frustrating for me because at that point nothing is fleshed out enough to be presentable. I’m drawing and putting a lot of creative effort in, but I don’t have a lot to show for it because the sketches are messy and not particularly coherant. Gotta keep reminding myself that it is worth it anyway, because once I have a concept I can make a bunch of really cool stuff with it!!

- for example right now I am developing a new character which is just fine except I don’t know what she looks like so all my drawings of her are really not very defined. That was stage 1. Stage 2 is trying a bunch of things, most of which will not stick. It also includes drawing her in her underwear to get a sense of her body shape and general proportions, which is useful for me but not really something I think most people want to see lol

- meanwhile the character concept is still fairly nebulous which means answering character prompts and such is slow and tiring for my brain. 

With familiar characters figuring out reactions is relatively fast and quite fun because it’s only a matter of taking complicated raw character traits and applying them to a novel situation. But if I don’t even know what the base traits are, it feels like trying to solve a puzzle when I don’t have all the pieces.

I remember this process well… and it took quite a long time to get out of it. The more cool and complex the character, the longer the marination time. Theoretically this makes sense practically it is frustrating as heck.

- maybe I have said this already but! Turns out Christmas is really awesome when it is adding whimsy to an otherwise tiring and mundane life. I guess that’s why festivals were invented lol is just as way to brighten up the daily grind or whatever

- BRUH my birthday is in two days!! It’s going to be wacky having my birthday feel exactly like every other day lol but that’s probably just the nature of being an adult. This is not an implied judgment of anyone else - I could make it a big deal if I wanted to. I just don’t particularly care to because of life being life and it bemuses me to find that this is the case..

- we are nearly in the home stretch!! Two finals next week, and a lot of homework to catch up on. And white glove checks are fast approaching, and…

- food situation is suboptimal but also… idk I don’t want to buy anything else when I’m abt to leave for a week?? Bother

- I’ve been eating a lot more sugar in general. This isn’t great but it’s hard to eat other things when it takes energy to cook anything that tastes good and cereal or bread or ice cream is immediately available…

- pros of studying healthy relationships as a hobby: learn more abt them, better understand people. Cons: makes being lonely in real life suck more 

- I hate thinking about money. I don’t know what I will do when I have to pay for everything with my own money I think it will make me very stressed out. I hope I find someone to marry who has a good job so that I don’t have to worry as much

*authoritative Tia voice* hAT

 

emotional support hat ^^ wore it to go grocery shopping today

december 7

 Church notes

- looking for gods hand in my life! I may not see it but when I’m keeping the spirit with me and going to church God is watching over me and that would be even better as I turn more toward him 

- BYUI has a reputation for many students being inactive. I did not know this lol 

Little mercies

- finding a pencil in my pocket when I thought I had forgotten it at home

- every 👏 single 👏 creative 👏  breakthrough 

- when you walk outside and nature is stunning and now it feels like everything is good in the world

- music being a thing that exists

- learning not to hate Christmas. Yeah actually a bunch of these traditions are fun and bring me joy. I feel like I am a kid again because when I WAS a kid I wasn’t particularly excited abt it. But now I am!!!!

- I might not need a car but having one gives me something to serve people with. You need a ride? I can give one!!! Feels like a straightforward useful thing I can do without worrying about social relations or whatever

Roommates keep having extra dessert and letting me eat it! I got free cookies and cream pie and also chocolate cake. Both some of the best tasting of their kind I have had in AGES

Family history activity was in the cafeteria hosted by a different stake but they let me join. Did indexing, found some temple names. Very happy to have something to do with my afternoons - they meet every week.

The Christmas devotional - Patrick Keoron conducted and made my day. holland's talk really was appreciated. calling out all the people who aren't having the greatest christmas, or are feeling lonely. many people have lovely family christmases but some don't!! and I really, really appreciate that he saw that and hopefully helped other to see it as well. Eyring's talk was also good though I don't have any particular thoughts abt it

one of my friends is having a rough time, and I don't even know what it is. she said "family news" but I don't know more than that... and now I'm worried about her. I want to help, but I'm not sure if I can. 

december 6

 - actually a somewhat good saturday. didn't waste away all day. had some good story thoughts. even did some homework!!! life is good

- maybe i already said this but it's still true! somehow the floor heating is stuck at the highest setting. have to wear shoes everywhere because the floor is so hot it's uncomfortable to stand on in bare feet. With the heat otherwise completely off AND ALL THE WINDOWS OPEN the whole apartment is still 75ish degrees and sweltering. wheee

- at least we can do dishes lol

-  a girl in the ward has a temple shift at 9:30 in the morning and asked for a weekly ride. I volunteered because I thought it would be good to get me out of the house and into the temple and. it worked!! I spent a solid hour in the waiting room and I think that helped a lot with the rest of the day not being so bad

- i just love creating stuff. it makes me so happy to be a creator. art, posters, little character details, translating greek stuff, stories and abstract concepts and little flowcharts showing how all the pieces fit together!!!

- funny how I used to care a lot about clothes when I was at home, but since coming to college I haven't gone to the clothing store a single time. I've got a dress, I've got a suit, I've got a couple cool and warm outfits. what more could a librarian neeeeeeeed (reference) 

-  fun conundrum! I really want to be close to people and hug them and lay on their laps and give each other positive encouragement. I also hate being touched and encouraged. reminds me of the meme: 

A: "what is this??"

B, hugging A: "affection"

A: "disgusting"

A: "do it again"

I have friends I know for a fact will hug other people but don't hug me. because I don't like being hugged. so it's my own fault, really

- quote from a friend I thought was cool, and would put in a quote book if I had one: "partial steam ahead" 

I guess I have a lot of things to say

- maintainance guy came and fixed our dishwasher. This is good because after the garbage disposal was fixed a few days ago, someone dumped all the dishes that had been marinating in the rotting dishwater into the broken dishwasher, where they have sat for several days. Now that the dishwasher's fixed, I can finally have my dishes back!! 

-  went to make cream of wheat, which requires farina mix milk and brown sugar. Was out of milk, decided to experiment with a mix of water, frozen greek yogurt, and heavy cream. considered putting some homemade ice cream in as well, decided against it. then I realized I was out of farina so I used oats instead. The resulting substance was edible and surprisingly not terrible, but it's still a little funny to me that I basically Ship Of Theseus'd my dinner.

titles are hard

 Used these to make a cheese tuna bean wrap. Quite a good combination! Not sure why I ever felt the need to make quesadillas when I could just roll the whole thing up and put it in a microwave

Anyway have this meditation on legumes 

more thoughts because I can't stop yapping for some reason (it probably has something to do with when I went to bed)

 - heels. HEEEELS. They are amazing and I love them. I also won't wear them. It's killing me because I love the idea of heels! however they simply Do Not Fit The Vibe. I really really want a friend who will wear heels. The unfortunate thing is most people don't appreciate you requesting they wear stuff because you think it looks cool. 

My dream is to one day get a friend who will let me dress them up with stuff I can't wear myself. Like a human barbie doll? I don't wear dresses or heels or jewelry so please let me impose them onto you :)) 

this is also what characters are for. draw the characters. give them the heels they don't care they're fictional 

- there's a bonsai tree making event today and it costs $25. that is a lot. Bonsai trees are ADORABLE. I'm pretty sure they're actually the only plant I'd ever consider keeping alive. Hmmmmmmmmmm hard decision

- so many performances going on right now and it's killing me because it's also two weeks before finals and I have SO. MUCH. HOMEWORK. but organ recital! but jazz!!! garhghhg

 

 

december 5

 slush. slush EVERYWHERE. they put sand on the walkways and all that does is turn everything into mushy slippery slush. I wish it had stayed snow. Wore my tennis shoes to class today and that was a MISTAKE

cloudy out, slight fog settled over thr whole place. everything is tinged white, except for the ground which IS white. beautiful. would like it a whole lot more if not for the aforementioned slippage

 conversation in Greek class sparked some thoughts. highest paying campus job is $15 dollars an hour. I mentioned that is minimum wage in my home state. Sparked a debate about how to deal with stuff being expensive/how to manage the economy.

One guy mentioned that in california, fast food workers get something crazy an hour (he said $22. not sure how right that is), but also the food is way more expensive. Mentioned how people don't think about how paying employees more will also raise the prices of stuff. My thought? Maybe that's okay?? Maybe people who prepare the food should be paid for their work? The labor movement has always depended on how much of their own comfort and money people are willing to put towards supporting minimum wage workers. If most care more about cheap products and don't care how that is achieved? Employers will win that fight 9 times out of 10

Watched a video analysis of the Lorax movie that echoed this sentiment. "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot it's not going to get better. It's not" was NOT directed at the companies or the government. It's directed at the public. Companies do what people pay for, the government does what people vote for. So the public being ok with destruction of the environment, or unethical labor practices, or whatever, enables those bad things to happen. 

Another thing - as mentioned by Mosiah in the Book of Mormon, democracy (and capitalism) is based fundamentally on the people and the market. Which means that people can change a bad situation, but it also means that if there IS a bad situation, the people/consumers are also partially or completely responsible. Yes there are cases when a company or government goes against what the people want, and then there are other problems. But many times people blame the government or companies for something when they're really just enacting what the majority wants.

 

in other news! had a story idea. actually have enough details I could probably write something, albeit badly. not sure if anyone would read it. the premise is pretty dumb and I'm not good at writing. ergo.. I will enjoy it, but I'm not sure anyone ELSE who would--

we shall see. if I have energy, I fully plan on making this everyone's problem (just you wait after saying that I'm probably not going to touch it ever again)

Tumblr has an "askbox" where anyone can pop in and ask a question, and I can post my answer to it accordingly. maybe I should make a "pinned post" of sorts that lets people ask stuff. ehh probably wont but we can dream

names are naming at least. i've got a new character and I really really like her. more at 11 (oh wait. 11 was 20 min ago) 

December 4

 - Going to channel dumbledore and say a few words: “blibby blobby bobby dooble”

- some really profound stuff in my religion class: spirit prison doesn’t last forever, all people will be resurrected eventually (with vanishingly few exceptions) and find some variety of happiness.

 This is something that I think about a lot already - some of the character stuff I care the most about is the thought of a character who has been through a lot or is stuck in their own self defeating cycle, but is able to break out of it. 

I enjoy tragedy because it is easier to get right - entropy is natural. But I enjoy happy endings even better when they are well executed. The tricky bit is setting up a character in a truly hopeless situation and then getting them out… without copouts or deus ex machina. This is why I often don’t like endings, and also why I work so hard to create them myself. They are one of the few things I think I could potentially get more right than the source material…

- my apartment is so utterly clean it feels uninhabited. Especially with Christmas fast approaching… maybe one day I will have a burst of energy and decorate it?

- learned how to read files, like csv or txt, using a program. That was funky. I’ve never done that before, and I get the sense that being able to read files will greatly expand what I’m able to do with a program. Coding really thrives when it has a lot of data to work with and use, and reading files allows you to get that needed data without prompting a user to enter all the stuff themselves…

- dudeeeeee faces are hard. Why are faces so hard I am deceasing slowly (this is one of two moods. The other mood is jumping up and down because I just drew that and birbbb it looks amazing)

- roommate continues to put pots full of food in the sink and leave them or dump all the food down the drain, even after doing that exact thing clogged the garbage disposal. Just… why???

- guardians of the galaxy feels like the first avengers, but in space. I like it! Weird how even though it looks like Star Wars, it FEELS like a superhero movie…

Side note:  I like Gamora. I like Peter Quill! But dudeee she could do so much better than him 🤨 

*vergil face*

 im sorry WHAT

December 3

 - sink is FINALLY FIXED THANK GOODNESS

- maintenance guy comes in. roommate explains that garbage disposal is broken. maintainance guy flips the switch, works just fine. problem solved (according to the roommate. I wasn't there)

- steadily chipping away at my Greek homework. 20 missing assignments!! Very very thankful for body doubling (look it up!) and study sessions with friends but the pile of homework is still very very daunting guhhhh

- working on faces and figure drawing. every single time I start trying to draw something I am not familiar with it humbles me lol because I have to relearn the entire process

-  found some brioche at the store for $2. Very happy with myself

- went to see Julius Caesar. Tickets were sold out. Rescheduled for next Wednesday. Worked on a art thing i was stuck on for about two hours in the waiting area and got a breakthrough so it wasn't a total wash (though I probably should have been doing homework lol)

december 1 (wat)

 - i love how winter looks. the fog that cars make with their exhaust, the color scheme of everything, the way lights and colors suddenly pop out because there isn't so much GREEN anymore to distract from it. if the sky is blue then it looks absolutely gorgeous and if it's overcast then it makes the whole place feel like The Christmas Carol. i just wish it wasn't so gosh bIRBING cold

- heard there was a cookie decorating activity. showed up, turns out it's for FHE groups and they're giving the supplies out in kits big enough for at least eight people. that was disappointing

- was productive for a good portion of the day. at some point looked around and was like. now what. i've done all the things I have energy for and I've still got like 6-8 hours left in the day. what do i do with myself 

- once I start doing fun stuff I am basically permanently out of work mode, at least until tomorrow. but if I can't do fun stuff and I'm tired of doing work stuff, or bored, or can't do it right now? idk there's got to be a secret third option I can do instead. research is ongoing we have high hopes of a breakthrough any day now

- started watching guardians of the galaxy. was not really expecting what i got lol. will be slightly pissed off if the main dude gets with the singular female character. birbbbbb (really liked the tunes though. I too enjoy playing catchy outdated music as I waltz through the inherent hazards of life. vibes so far are actually quite similar to DADHAT except the gang meets in the prison instead of getting rounded up later