limonium

Burnout day went to class didn’t do anything else got home called my mother and showed her some art and poetry and character charts got talking about some other things got talking about MORE things finished after two hours took a nap slept for a very long time, comparatively

I dunno what I did for a bit after that it’s kind of a blank section of memory went to Sam’s walked to the farmer’s market poked around a bit she took me to the grocery store (thanks girl) dragged me to a ward party (incorrect. I came of my own free will and choice) I managed to socialize for 40 minutes which is actually quite a lot and then went to sit on the grass it’s 8 o’clock and it’s still light out which is WILD I’ve been introducing myself as the new name I’m going by and it was cool being able to do it so much at a party the entire time Sam and her roommate were short and I felt way too tall so I tried to bend my knees so I was shorter but that wasn’t really sustainable so I sat down and then the talking was too much so I went and sat on the grass and then it rained. 

delphinium (don’t read into the flower trend lol)

 

chrysanthemum

 

would everybody please give him a little bit of space

i do believe i may have achieved burnout but it's weird because usually it's from schoolwork or losing my keys or whatever but this time it's actually just oversocializing. It would seem one can actually get burnt out from that, which I never would have guessed when usually I'm sitting around being lonely buuuut here we are

- walks. amazing invention you go around walking and there's fresh air and just yeahhh amazing. clears your head like nothing else

- legit biology is my best class right now. almost entirely 100%. I am completely unsurprising and also very scared about how the rest of my classes will turn out because my current religion class is grading me entirely on participation and focus and tardiness. nonono i can't do that. I am in Bio class right now writing a blog post and I will be completely fine for the test. Meanwhile I am failing the religion class... will probably withdraw later...... 

 - dentist appointment! only time that would work was at 8 am before my first class at 10. Made it, surprise, but didn't eat anything. Actual appointment went just peachy and I'm very proud of the entire situation because it took a lot of energy to even book the appointment...

- felt like my hair was super ugly. Figured out that I just had my bangs wrong. Feeling much better now

- very sick of the summer already. All of my best outfits are completely untenable. I want a refund

- very anxious. need to stop thinking someone please turn my brain off it is making no sense and every circle it runs around in I get less confident that I can trust anything it says ever. Please shut up sir

- pretty sure I messed something up pretty badly and I hate not being able to fix it and I'm just Not Thinking About it right now except that's kind of hard because I'm lowkey thinking about literally everything and -- 

I think you’re a bad idea

 WELL ITS BEEN A WHILE HUH

Let’s um. Attempt to summerize, I suppose

- started a new scarf. This is good because the mental health has been VERY BAD and I need something to do with myself

- speaking of! I’ve figured out that stimming helps. A lot. My hands or rocking or making noise over and over again. Probably other things too. Hard to feel like I can do this around other people but it really helps when I’m alone and freaking out

- I’m so sick of being mentally ill

- SO SICK

- scarf is nice. Sparkly velvet yarn. It’s going to be really pretty once it’s done

- several very nice outfits lately

- finally got around to showering. This is good. Also my hair gets all floofy and nice when I wash it. I LOVE it when it does that.

- need to get outside more. Not getting outside enough

- staying more or less on top of schoolwork!!! This is very good. Besides one specific lab assignment that I’ve gotten stuck on. The instructions were not very specific and I don’t like it. 

- made spaghetti. It’s nice to eat that when I’m tired and don’t want to make anything else

- nausea is back. Every time I wake up. Just nauseous the ENTIRE day

- did I mention I’ve been mentally ill? I’ve been mentally ill

- went to an art museum!!! Very cool. The most cool. It’s right by a river 

- went to a farmers market. Ended up being a combo of crafts, other artisans, and the OCCASIONAL farmer. very very cool. I got rhubarb and made jam with it

- fndjfjejwbrh

i hate to see you waiting

Fun fact if you get yourself to go to things even though you're pretty sure they're going to suck, they tend to not suck!! Which is nice. And then you have a good rest of the day and it's like whoa, life isn't terrible!

Game night yesterday. I made mini cheesecakes. Kudos to my dear mother for the recipe, because they tasted really good and the other folks at the thing agreed with that sentiment. It's sooo nice going to things where I can make food for it!! Otherwise I make the food and then I can't eat it all. Moral of the story, host lots of parties so you can make food for them. I guess.

Spent a bunch of time freaking myself out about a lab I had to go to, because I hadn't done the homework in three weeks or any of the prep work. Turns out, they tell you exactly how to do the lab in class, and none of the prep work is necessary. Also, you can do the lab completely on your own if you want, because the size of my particular class was so small. That was GREAT. As it was, I grouped up with one other person, and she did the technology and I did literally everything else and it was actually the best science lab experience I've had in a long long time. I hope they're all like that.

Busy day ahead but it's all in the evening. Bio class where you can ignore the professor the entire hour + THRIVE + optometry society. I've got a good three hours before then so I believe I shall attend the temple. Should do that more often.

PS: I've figured out a thing that is slightly helping with losing stuff: I've got a jar and I put all of my useful stuff into that jar when I'm not using it. Key fob and knife and airpods and car keys and glasses and they all go into the one jar. 10/10 very helpful 

maybe I’m just watering your lawn

 What a weeeek

Having a lot of trouble getting sleep. Mental health is consequently not good 💯

Getting quite behind in schoolwork. This is stressful. It would be really great to regain functionality soon if I’m going to get good grades in my classes

Bought saurkraut at the store!! It has probiotics and I also just like the taste. I’m going to add it to a lot of my food now

Someone remind me to eat the cabbage I have in my fridge. I keep meaning to have salad and keep forgetting

New root beer flavor! This one is like. Combo of fruity and a little spicy/sharp. It’s really cool to me how all three brands I’ve gotten so far are so DISTINCT from each other

Ask prompts filled! Very nice. We’ve got a lot of new ones and I’m happy abt that, especially one of my more recent posts :D

Haven’t written in a hot sec bc I was busy doing an art trade. Slightly possessed by the art demons for two days and it’s done! Still don’t really like how it turned out but I also don’t think I’m going to make it any better at this point

It’s very frustrating having so many things I’d like to do but having my time filled up with school and responsibilities. Especially since these days I’m not even doing those and I still can’t do what I want bc I’m tired and out of energy… I AM walking around a fair bit though. Walking is good for the soul

I often go walking…

 It’s Mother’s Day!! So. Post about my mom.

Very cool. Her faith in God and commitment to holy habits inspire me, and her closeness to the Spirit even moreso. I admire her commitment to her family and patience and willingness to be on our side for anything life throws at us. Even through a rough few years I see her finding ways to overcome/live with new challenges and that inspires me, too. I’m happy whenever she finds something that helps a bit more.

And… I dunno. I guess I’m just glad I got to be her daughter. She’s cool. 5/5 would recommend :) 

then use all their shiny missiles to blow craters in the moon until it spells out our initials

 ughghghfh. Bad weekend. Baaad weekend bad weekend

Sleep. What is sleep even I think I’ve forgotten how to sleep normally

My head hurts like crazy. Like CRAZY. I can’t. I cannn’t

I’m taking seven credits how is it this hard to keep up with homework? I think I’m burning out or something because it’s been like two weeks and I’m just. I’m going crazy and my memory is full of holes.what do I do when my memory is full of holes pray tell??

I need to sleep and I’m not sleeping and I’m sure things would be fine (better) if I was sleeping. Someone please tell me how to sleep because I think I’ve forgotten how (rhetorical) (being excessively dramatic) how am I meant to focus when half the time I’m giddy and half the time I’m sad and half the time I’m anxious as heck? HMMM?? none of these are conducive to focus on stuff like I don’t know SCHOOL in the slightest 

Like right now the best thing I can do is spend multiple hours a day sitting outside doing nothing at all. Maybe taking a nap. Which is great and all but I have homework that needs to be done!!! I’m gonna cry. 

photodump κ

 

sell the moon to north korea

 it been a while — classes have made me busier than usual whoops

Lots of projects stacking up. I’ve wanted to be this productive for many years of my life so it’s actually pretty awesome having so much I can do. 

Cooking stuff volunteering at THRIVE writing learning art on my tablet crocheting doing stuff with characters labeling my pinecone calendar. Soooo many different things to do. I think I’m going to paint my nails tomorrow…

Already falling behind on classes due to having multiple days where I simply Did Not Wish to get out of bed. So we’re working on that. Maybe should get on On Together more. On the plus side I think I will do very well at my Bio exam. On the minus side my religion class grade is almost entirely based on attendance and staying focused in class. Yeah I’m pretty bad with all of the above. So I’m actuallly doing pretty BAD in that class. Focus issues have already set in… it’s going to be a heck of a semester

I think I want to learn camping. And fishing. Fishing for fun, camping because road trips are easier when you carry a shelter with you. Much less expensive, too…

My room was smelling TERRIBLE and I thought it might just be be because it was musty but then I realized I hadn’t taken the trash out in a month. Also I had a container of leftovers that had been on the floor for weeks and had very much gone bad. Wheee

Many thanks to mom for her chocolate chip recipe. I’ve made it for several things and I’ve gotten lots of compliments on them :)) plus you can make them bite size which is always a good thing. And they’re very therapeutic to shape. 

Legit I can’t WAIT for my therapy session in a few days. I’m having a rough time. Emotional ups and downs all OVER the place. I’m very emotional lately

 

so i miss him sometimes when im feeling depressed

 - dude im so glad i figured out you could use song lyrics as titles. I used to get so stressed about finding good titles and now it's superrr easy... and the fakeout factor is absolutely a bonus

- my tumblr account has 100 followers which is crazy and it also continually surprises me because it means I'll go post a few fairly boring things and the next day there are 16 notifications. 16??? that's. that's just wild to me, how are that many people noticing i exist

- the cool thing is, I wasn't trying for followers and I still don't really care about them. I just a) post a lot about my characters because I like them and like sharing things about them and more importantly b) I'm constantly nosing around other folks' blogs, learning about their OCs and getting excited about them and asking them questions and generally showing interest. It's a community!! it's a give and take and I think sometimes people don't realize that, they're just focused on getting people to like their stuff and that's not really it at all.

- other news... idk man it's the second week of school and I haven't failed my classes yet. I've been spreading the word about the wellness program I volunteer for, which means I've been making announcements in my classes, helping out at the booth we have set up to give out flyers, and baking lots and lots of treats for that booth. Tiny little chocolate chip cookies, mini-muffins. I had such a blast with that hehe

- found several more pinecones :)) I'm having a lot of fun with the pinecone thing I'm not gonna lie... and it's so fun how different all of them are! I thought all pinecones were the same but now that I'm actually collecting them... yeah there are so many different shapes and varieties and sizes and slkdjfslkdjf it's SO cool.

- made beef stew in the slow cooker. it was supposed to cook in a pressure cooker for like... 30 minutes? I thought I could stick it in the slow cooker for 2 hours but that didn't work so I left it in for 5 hours and the potatoes are still kind of crunchy. I think next time I will try making it in a pot instead :/ I also used pork instead of beef and that worked out really well! You can get some really nice pork for very cheap, much less than beef of the same type... I'm definitely going to try pork in some of my other food

- made a series of bad food decisions and now I'm trying to get back to eating healthy. it does NOT help that I still have a bunch of sugar cookies in the living room, but I don't know what to do with them. I may very well just throw them out lol

- my roommate has her boyfriend over all the time which is fine except they always watch movies from around 9 to 12 and bruh I'm trying to focus in my room right now. The wall between the movie room and my own bedroom is quite thin so then I have to put on music of my own and it's kind of irritating. If it was earlier in the day that would be fine because I could just go outside or go to a campus building or something but I'm not doing that after 9 pm, no way

- art is arting. yay! I'm also working on a story that might actually exceed 8 pages, and if it does I think that'll be the longest story I've ever written. so that's neat 

- sam is very busy with her jobs and stuff but we got to hang out on Thursday which was very cool. she came over and I made frosting and then cookies (because I meant to make frosting the first time but accidentally started another batch of cookies so I was like oh well guess we're doing both now) and then she still had time so we went down to look at the art exhibit but there were too many people so we hung out outside and also inside in a creepy stairwell and then the physics nerds majors opened up the observatory so we watched that. Except they were training a new guy so it took longer. We looked at Jupiter and could see its moons, and also the moon because it was full tonight. It was cool watching the roof move and also the whole room was lit with red lighting which made it feel like a proper ~fancy science thing~ because cool tech always gets mood lighting.

- anyway I feel bad bc i wasn't super paying attention lol. I had so much fun hanging out but when it came time for the actual observatory I was quite tired (as tends to happen to me, after 9 pm) so I just kinda lurked in the corner and texted my friend. Sam had fun though, I think, so I'm real happy we went