november 30 pt 2

 some lessons from attempting be busy today:

- I like mayonaise based salads like egg salad and chicken salad. I already knew that, but a reminder was nice

- cooking is fun! I should keep my pantry better stocked so that I can cook

- cooking is not so fun when the waterline in the sink is an inch below the surface of the counter!! maintainance is still not in. If they are not in by tomorrow, I am going to try to fix it myself with some unclogging fluid (which I am told you can buy at the store) 

-  my roommate was trying to teach her boyfriend to sing while I was cooking. apparently some people can't distinguish the notes of a song! I did not realize this. it was cute but also I feel bad for men who not only have to learn to sing but they have to learn the non-melody part.

- apparently when a roommate and someone they invited over are debating what to have for dinner, you're not supposed to offer to share. whoops

- exercise as well as a phone break are excellent for epiphanies! the unfortunate thing about epiphanies is they are usually things I knew but didn't really want to acknowlege. or hoped that literally anything else would be the answer. which means the epiphany was less of a EUREKA and more of a oh... crud. how dare, universe! 

 

also. stadium singing! the Christmas songs Have Been Broken Out. they have escaped containment

november 30

 - watched first half of sound of music. its cool but also. why don't we ever get a MALE tutor coming in and helping the overbearing mother connect with her children. why is it always the other way around (I know why but I would still enjoy the subversion should some movie come out that has the reverse situation)

- end of break! probably is good. school will force me to go outside and move my body. 

- I'm starting to mix up different signals and it's kinda funky. I'll be so confused because I was hungry so I ate, and im still hungry... nope, I was actually thirsty. Or had to use the bathroom. they all feel vaguely the same to me which is unfortunate

- gave a talk in church today! wrote most of it this morning. Not super satisfied with how it turned out, but the fact that I did it at all was a huge plus so we're counting it as a win

- finally got disney plus. planning to go to the gym, watch a movie while I exercise. or something. makes it easier to actually do it so as long as I can actually get to the gym we should be good. my apartment complex has a small gym at the lounge so maybe I will try doing that and see if it's easier

- any suggestions for future movies or tv shows to watch? I have disney plus. thinking i'd like to get some classics out of the way but whatever is fine.

- it's basically Christmas at this point. what the birb

 

november 28

 first day of my remote job which is good. it's like 3-6 hours a week of data entry which is about as much as I can spare right now so it's quite a godsend

got a fair bit more done today than the last two days! actually completed some homework for once. also spent a lot of time fiddling with characters and listening to music but it's a lot better than doomscrolling like I did for like 5 hours sometime earlier in the break

got some cool wall decor from hobby lobby, have yet to put it up. probably a run to the store is in the cards for tomorrow lol

watched wicked pt 1 for the first time! costumes were great. plot was great, though some aspects of it disappointed me (why must we do the love triangle. I sincerely hoped we would NOT be doing one and then. then we did and in fact it's like two separate ones at the same time interlocking with each other (ness likes bach who likes Galinda who likes the prince dude who likes Elphaba) come onnn guys you're better than this 

but I really liked how you could see the corruption of the "wizard" and I think the way his influence is so far reaching while also being so performative was shown very very well. i am a sucker for vast far reaching governmental systems that are self-sabotaging in their very nature... anyone who knows abt my swtor hobby already knows this 

frustrated by characters not cooperating. a character being inherantly annoying or hard to get along with is GREAT until i want them to get along with people. and then they're frustrating because it's like. no. nooo please. please just GET ALONG they aren't plotting your downfall they genuinely want to help you please accept help why are you like this aghhgdkalhjgsdghsalkgh

probably should have gone outside slightly more. however it is cold :( 

 

november 27

 thanksgiving wheee

the plan was to do graitude leading up to this and somehow I never got around to it wommmmp. fortunately one of my classes has a mandatory assignment to do a gratitude journal for 5 days so I WILL be doing the gratitude, just late lol

made chocolate banana pancakes. they are weirdly hard to get right. never add enough solid stuff and so then I pour the batter and it just kind of. is liquid. never firms up. so every couple of failed pancakes I dump a bit more mix/flour in and by the LAST TWO we have something resembling pancakes. still tastes good regardless but it's also very much an adventure

spent a solid hour or so listening to some new music, added a few more songs to my repertoire :) it's weirrrrrd how random songs can make you feel feelings even when you're just sitting and listening. kinda cathartic actually. also very odd that there are SO many songs out there. enough that for any particular character not only are there songs out there that perfectly describe them in a LOT of ways, but also at least five different people have gone out and made playlists for them. it's great

just finished my second comp notebook of random scribbles since I got here. it's kinda weird. it's been at least two months but it feels like way less. time is fiddle-y

 

actual thanksgiving was a potluck with some friends. mostly people I didn't know. my friend invited me. I made salad. the food there was good! we had a ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, my salad, a number of desserts, neon lemonade and punch. not spiked because we're all in the church and also none of us are that cool.

mostly girls, two guys. I think more than half of us had anxiety so that was fun. at one point there was a passionate debate about the sequel trilogy and several people actually had Opinions besides me! it was great

also someone brought mashed potatoes that actually tasted like potatoes, instead of tasting like butter and spices. I appreciated that  

 

november 26

 please kindly ignore the publish time it was SUPPOSED to be the 26th at least

- nearly done with nadia's route woo hoooo and now I have SO MUCH IDEAS abt what to do. Mainly drawing ideas. scene ideas. stuff i have to go back to and fiddle with. unlike *cough* SOME OTHER ROUTES there is quite a lot of character growth going on here that I need to map out and figure out. Might have to actually pull up a character arc checklist to make sure it makes sense and follows correctly? the problem is I'm much better at having a character be static and just. BE a certain way. but in a growth arc, it's animation and not just one drawing and that is not smth that comes naturally to me..

-  speaking of drawing? yeah we drawed! i like drawing. i want to do it more. this is a constant thing where I draw and I'm like yay that was fun! and then two seconds later im like dang why am i not drawing. I desire to draw. i should draw. *doesn't draw* over and over until suddenly im drawing again but it sure aint because i decided to it just kinda happens........

- we did the ben solo road trip! had SO much fun chatting with the person I dragged along. she is a lot like me and she has some of the same hobbies. She told me abt a show called Miraculous: Ladybug and Cat Noir and it's a kids show but she described it so well that I think I might give it a try! I wouldn't be surprised if it's a tad bit like rebels where it's a kids show but it also has a lot of heart and cool lore that older people can appreciate

- anyway the actual trip took us across some BEAUTIFUL fields and then a BEAUTIFUL wild west-vibe town and then more beautiful fields, but these ones had snow on them, and then into mountains where the state border was. we got lucky and there was a parking space right by the two signs, and they were right across the road from each other! it was great. I loved the views. I didn't like the look of this place when I moved in a few months ago, but now that it's winter and there isn't green everywhere for no reason I can appreciate it 

- it is supposed to snow tomorrow. WHY

- watched first half of WICKED the movie, because my roommate likes it and she's trying to induct me into liking her favorite movies. It's good but I am hesitant to get too invested in ANY characters when I know it's probably going to end badly. I like the costumes, though. and the set. and the aesthetics of just about EVERYTHING. seriously have I mentioned I like the costumes

- sink is currently clogged. water drains, but very very slowly so it is hard to do dishes. it is thanksgiving break-ish so we shall see if anything is DONE abt this. it might be like this all weekend. I don't cook that much and the roommate who DOES cook is out of town - shouldn't be too bad but... i am very glad I'm renting, and don't have to try and fix the sink by myself.

- one plus side of being in the head of a character who stresses CONSTANTLY about literally everything, and doesn't know how to ask for help? it makes me really happy that I don't do that. and because he's fictional, it's not like the comparison will hurt anyone's feelings.... 

 

November 24

 

• it is confirmed! I’m going to the state border to take a picture with Ben Solo’s wanted poster. What’s really surprising is I found someone who’s crazy enough to come with me!

• At the beginning of school, my backpack really hurt my shoulders and I had to carry my laptop like a briefcase because if it was in my backpack my entire neck would be super sore. Now? I barely notice the weight at all. I guess this is something that you get better at with practice…

• Just rediscovered tuna. You can buy packets of it for cheap and it’s an excellent source of seafood and protein! Put it on sandwiches or crackers… might try it in my eggs if I’m feeling sufficiently adventurous

• Also? Singing. Singing is really fun and I enjoy it a lot. Went to stadium singing again yesterday and had an absolute blast.

• I heard from a friend that “<mutual friend> thinks you’re so good at singing he needs to stop standing next to you at stadium singing”. I got sad, because I KNOW I sing loudly but I really try not to and I hate the idea that I make anyone uncomfortable doing it. Then she told me he was joking and ??? I had no idea. Birbbbb people are hard

• Idaho is so much prettier in winter. When everything on the ground is grey or white or brown, it stops drawing attention away from the absolutely GORGEOUS sky. 10/10 now if it could just stop WINDING

• Hair’s getting long. Facing the question of what to do with it. Grow it out? Cut it short? Keep it the same length but try a different style????

• My roommates left pizza out on the table and it’s a day old but every single time I see it I want to eat it. Theres meat on it so I won’t but gahhh 

   

   

  ps not sure what the deal is with the font. it's fiddly. tried to fix it, didn't work. *shrugs* deal with it 

OC post incoming beware of dog

 Getting into tarot cards. They’re generally used to ~tell the future~ or give advice which I don’t believe in. But also each of the cards represents certain concepts or ideas or actions, and you can also “reverse them” to get the opposite or concept that opposes the idea represented by the upright.

The thing that I really like abt these is when I can apply them in some way to characters or stories. Looking at a character arc and saying aHA this is represented by X tarot card! Even better, taking a character and using a tarot card or cards to describe their journey or strengths. It’s really helpful for fleshing stuff out..

FOR EXAMPLE. Galen is partially represented by the Moon. The below graphic has a bunch of info abt it if you want to know in depth abt it but you don’t have to read it if you don’t want—

So the Moon represents intuition, illusion, and muddied waters. It’s introspective and withdrawn. Galen IS uncertain quite a lot and he also causes uncertainty in others because of his unconventional and sporadic behavior. He’s VERY intuitive - he relies on his intuition and gut feelings more than anything else, primarily BECAUSE the world is so complex and confusing. 

While other characters try to deal with the world by framing it reductively (right and wrong, or us and them), or by overplanning and sharpening their intellect to better comprehend and effectively act in the world, Galen just embraces the uncertainty. YES, he doesn’t understand everything that’s going on, but he knows what feels right and he’s going to trust that.

Additionally, there’s a component of “secrets” and “illusion” there that also describes him. Even when Galen is relatively healthy he’s not really forthcoming abt his inner thoughts and feelings. As a Sith apprentice, he REALLY lied a lot, both to others and himself. He’s always been good about putting on a face or appearance. And he keeps a lot of personal stuff close to his chest unless he really trusts someone.

Other phrases that really DO describe him quite well: “hidden feelings” “misunderstandings” “complex emotional landscape” (boy oh boy) “unclear goals” “self doubt” “subconscious/dreams” 

Plus the associated actions: embrace uncertainty, trust intuition, self-reflection, seek guidance, seek clarity, have honest conversations and embrace vulnerability - these are all things that Galen does, needs to do more, or encourages those around him to do!

So. This one was easy, because I know Galen so well. I’m hoping that for characters I know less well, figuring out a Tarot card that describes them could be useful for learning more about them. What are their hidden strengths, or maybe hidden weaknesses? How would these apply when it comes to work, or relationships? What is easy for them, and what is less easy? Food for thought (and I am ALWAYS hungry when it comes to thinking abt cool stuff)

christmas pt II

~ a continuation of last entry, because I wrote it while I was waiting for friends and i hadn't done all the things yet

 

- there were lights, music, and two activities outside. A "Nativity Walk" with various tents and people in costumes, and a horse-drawn sleigh ride. By the time I made it outside they both had VERY long lines and it was cold out. So I have resolved to visit both of them next Christmas, but I didn't see them this time. there WAS a "roman soldier" who said hi to the people in line and posed for pictures:

- apparently his name is Georgius 

- anyway some friends roped me into playing magic the gathering. I’ve played maybe once with Josh so I’m not good at it but they let me use a deck, and we played, and I didn’t feel useless at all. They were very willing to explain stuff I didn’t understand and we had a lot of fun

- it was especially fun because I had a deck that hits hard and also is HORRIBLE at defense. So I got to feel useful for a bit, and then other people with better strategy took me out and I didn’t even mind bc I had already dumped so much damage on everyone :D

- you can get a premade deck for $50. I don’t much like BUILDING a deck but I like playing. I might have to invest in a deck so I can continue playing with these people 🤨

- it’s starting to feel like Christmas. Music, Christmas trees, lights, some apartments already have lights up — If any of my siblings read this and you’ve already made your wishlist, please send it to me!

- on another note, I’ve figured out a way to avoid being so brainrotted by the singular game app on my phone - it has daily check ins that you have to do to maintain a streak, and so it’s hard to stop thinking abt it! But I figured out if I manually set the calendar of my phone to be a day forward, you can do all the stuff for that day in advance. So you can go ahead and do a bunch of days in a row, then set it back to the correct day.

- right now I’ve done all the “dailies” up to Monday, so I don’t actually have to log in at ALL for several days. Then on Monday, I’ll grind out another 4-5 days ahead. Hopefully this works better than checking in every day.

 

christmas (apparently)

Today is “campus Christmas” which means they lit the lights on the trees and there’s a band/singer guy singing out on the plaza and they have sleigh rides and food giveaways

It was also the last day of thrive and we had a potluck and goal making.

It was also an absolutely beautiful day

I don’t even know how to organize this so have a bulleted list in no particular order

- even in the afternoon the whole campus was blinged up - they’ve been putting up trees and lights for several days

- MASSIVE long line of tables absolutely covered in cinnamon rolls right by where I was doing homework. 

Ten min before 6:30 a long line started forming so I hopped in line just for fun. Not two minutes later a HUGE crowd of people came in from the lighting ceremony and the entire place is now crowded as HECK

- the volunteers took a LONG time to open up the cinnamon rolls! I waited patiently. Then right when they started handing out the rolls, a bunch of people walked over and skipped the line entirely. I feel cheated. 

- departments held a Christmas tree decorating contest. Best one had a huge milk carton on top in lieu of a star with a theme of “milk and cookies”

- learned abt a cool goal making method in THRIVE. It’s called WOOP and it stands for wish (what do you want) outcome (why do you want it, how would it improve your life) obstacle (what’s stopping you) and plan (how will you deal with the obstacle)

I love this much better than SMART because it’s less structured and requires less commitment. Just every so often look for small improvements to make. No five step plans or fancy timed goals. Just gradual improvement

- someone brought “sweet chili” and if that is a euphemism for “not spicy” I am ON BOARD FOR IT

- also someone brought Brussels sprouts and they were quite good with the chili! I want to learn how to cook them well

Completed one (1) Greek problem set in the crazy busy loud and blinged up cafeteria, with music blaring through one earbud. Strangely, I was able to focus easier that way. Maybe it’s all the stimulation - I’m able to “borrow” the energy of the room to get things done or whatever

photo DUMPY BIRB

 

1. christmas lights are going up! I find it entertaining that the guy putting them up is likely just some random college student who happens to have a custodial job

2 i birbing LOVE programming it's so unserious

3 + 4 Cultural Night!

5 right before getting on the Big Swing

november 19

 

 after disappearing for the weekend we are BACK

- how is it wednesday already whatttttt

current mood:   

 

- no wayyyyy counselling actually helps and makes it much easier to deal with having a bad day??? whattttttttttt 

- clean check was today after we didn't get anything for three weeks. used to stress me out a lot, but now I always do the same job and it's just sweeping, cleaning the table, vacuuming... meanwhile another roommate usually takes the bathrooms and that's good because I hate bathrooms. luckily if other roommates don't do their assignments, they get charged but I don't BWAHAHA

-   it is an absolutely beautiful warm day today. I even broke out the SHORT SLEEVES and sure it was with a sweater over the top but still. beautiful little day, gorgeous~ i want to lay on the grass and stare at the sky

- It is so much easier to find angsty songs. or tragic hopeful songs. or tragic-tragic songs. "happy" songs are so rarely also deep enough to be interesting. or they sound annoying... so sometimes we get moments where I'm like okay okay I'm tired of being sad and so I listen to my two happy songs and then it's like..... now what

- never underestimate the power of whimsy in the face of the incredibly depressing mundanity of life. Also dancing. Also singing. if you aren't dancing down the sidewalk singing and weirding people out you are missing out on a crucial aspect of living life 

 

november 16

 - stake conference. Paying attention was hard but I got a few things at least

- even got there on time! Because a roommate who usually leaves early was running late, and asked for a ride. So I got ready faster on her behalf and we got there just in time!

- it went two hours. That is a long time to pay attention 💀

- tried harder not to go insane, took a notebook out to the common room so I wouldn’t be so much on my phone

- went to a “bread party.” Played Uno. Met a guy. He’s from Washington and he wore a pink suit to church today. He’s also engaged to a German exchange student 💀💀

- “Stadium Singing” happens at 8:30. Keep meaning to go, never did. Some friends dragged me there and it was SO FUN!! Just a bunch of chill peeps getting together to song hymns from the hymn book on Sundays.

- note to self don’t eat so much bread. I feel sick now.

November 15

 - stake conference today and tomorrow. Hard to focus. Takeaway: trust Jesus and serve others. HOW DO I SERVE OTHERS

- auxiliary but also important - how to talk to people? There is a mixer going on, donuts and tons of people just chatting away???? How do I go up to people. How do I start conversations. If I like a guy how do I do anything with that without being weird —

- the donuts themselves were mid

- purchased chocolate chips. Often I have a craving for chocolate and chocolate chips are cheap. Also a snow shovel, to be prepared

- it is so hard to focus. I WAS blaming sleep but at this point I don’t think sleep is actually the problem. Don’t know what is the problem. Hate feeling like I can’t get birb done and it’s also mostly my fault so

- if everyone is having a terrible time, why don’t they just say so?? I would feel a lot better abt my sorry situation if I knew that a bunch of other people felt the same way. But nope we’re all super optimistic and looking on the bright side. Let’s skip past the “how are you doing” shall we and maybe just have a nice chat about Dyson spheres. Or lord of the rings. Idk. What is social connection it doesn’t exist

- catch 22 of feeling awful is that you suddenly can’t connect with anyone. Nobody wants to hear abt my funky little life least of all me but I legit don’t have anything else to talk abt  or think abt :))))

- if I don’t talk to someone soon I’m going to explode. Also my brain doesn’t update the “I talked to someone” counter at all so it actually doesn’t matter if I talk to anyone? But it’s fine I won’t explode either bc nobody will see it or care and it wouldn’t help things. Perhaps banging my head against a wall or crying will help (it won’t)

bbirb

 

I have a mobile game that has a tarot-card themed story! And ~naturally~ it has a tarot reading mini game that you can do once a week. I know that tarot isn’t real but I rather enjoy taking vague readings and finding cool ways to interpret them. 

So! This is my reading for the week, make of it what you will…

picshures

 

1) I love grocery shopping but it continually amuses me that  I could be getting bags and bags of donuts for significantly less money than my usual crackers veggies and protein bars. No wonder so many ppl are overweight it’s CHEAP AS HECK

2) Massachusetts outstrips ID in many ways but sunsets are not one of them!

3) “I have no fear! … i have ONE fear”

4) see #2

november 14

 - as opposed as I generally am to starting Christmas "too early" (or actually, Christmas in general) I am already playing "Last Christmas" on repeat and you cannot stop me. It's annoying and dumb enough to be contrarian so

- again I continue to be amazed by tutoring. What do you mean I now understand the material better?? Black magic I say

- winddddd why must thou exist. What’s the point of constructing cool outfits or doing my hair when they will be ruined by the wind before I get to any of my classes???

- Julius Caesar is being performed in a few weeks. I am HYPED

- winter has set in and after a brief few months of taking initiative we are back to doing everything at the last minute. Normal procrastination or the onset of depression? Who knows????

 

november 13

 I make ONE (1) post about Ben Solo and suddenly I'm getting tons of notifications and likes! It's been reblogged a bunch of times, over 50 likes and just... sigh. 

I know it makes sense that a more busy fandom with more activity will like my posts more, but it's disheartening to constantly get my hopes up that someone was interested in my ACTUAL INTERESTS and then find out that nope, it's just 10 more likes on the Ben Solo meme.

/rant 

anywho... today there were like five different things vying for the Thursday Evening slot on my schedule and I'm not entirely sure I picked the right ones? There's THRIVE, D&D, an Autism Mentoring Program board game social, a friend's video project she wanted me to be an extra for, and a potluck hosted by my BYUI 101 Class. I picked the last one and ditched the rest - some on accident because I forgot they existed, some on purpose. It was a good social, though, so I think I'm going to put this down as a success?

writing. writing is hard that is all

thanksgiving. what am i doing for thanksgiving?? i am so done with planning things

I want to learn how to ski or mountain bike. Both are very popular in this area, but I'm just not really sure how to do it. Maybe once I have a job I will sign up for a skiing class because I've always wanted to learn.

 note to self pineapple is really good for potlucks. You buy one, cut it up, dump it in a bowl and voila that's your contribution. And most people don't bring fruit to potlucks so it's likely to be appreciated!

 also just found out today that sister missionaries can wear suits and dress shirts! what a relief. I was worried that I would have to buy a bunch of dresses and feel like I look terrible for my entire mission, but NOPE i'm good to go, I can get a couple short sleeve dress shirts and a skirt and two pairs of pants and be all set -- 

eleven eleven -- wOOWoo --

there's occasionally something nice about having a day absolutely crammed full of stuff. Since my first class at 9 am I basically have one thing right after another with only about half an hour of break in between until 8 am. I thought that today would be awful but it wasn't! I've been engaged for nearly the whole day and I haven't had any opportunities to rot my brain! I've absolutely had to make sure that I take brain breaks between classes so I don't get overwhelmed, but mostly we're doing ok!

other random things

- snacks are good to have when you will be out and about a lot. and being out and about a lot is good because it means I stay away from the ~den of temptation~ (to do absolutely nothing useful for long periods of time)

some good snacks: 

• fruit that can be eaten like pears, apples, mandarins
• yogurt with chopped up fruit in a container
• cheese stick
• big carrot. just shove it in the water bottle holder of my backpack and eat it as I walk

- beautiful warm day today I have no doubt I would be doing much worse if it was depressing cold and wet out. But it's warm! the sky is blue! I will be spending my next free block laying on the grass staying up at the sky and I am not sorry

- devotional today! it was about "adventure". going out of your comfort zone is important and we should not get stuck in only easy things but go out of our comfort zone, do things with our body and mind that are really really hard and test our limits (like backpacking). 

This inspired me - I was worried about whether the classes I chose for the winter semester were too difficult. But this felt like an encouragement that I'm doing good and I should go through with it. I thought about not going to devotional at all, because I was so busy! but I'm really glad I went.

 

friendly neighborhood guide to functioning on very little sleep

 - don't think about it too much! if you don't remember you're functioning on <4 hours of sleep then how can anyone prove that you are???

- killer outfit. Like you have no idea how much of an energy boost this can be

- give yourself space to be at lower capacity than usual. Don't push yourself to do things that aren't necessary, even though with little sleep your mind might be so scattered that it wants to try all sorts of inadvisable extra stuff

-  remind yourself of fictional characters who had it way worse and still got up and did what had to be done (many villains manage to do an almost superhuman amount of stuff while also being substantially more miserable than the hero. is it possible to learn this power)

-  did I mention the killer outfit? also killer music. Like find as much epic music as possible and just borrow the energy for yourself. with airpods you can have music going pretty much going the whole day if you need to

Cool names

 dude the names in this area? Way more fun. We have…

- Skye

- London

- Bronx

- Mercedes

- Canada

- Sebastian (a normal name in books but I didn’t know a SINGLE Sebastian back home)

Stay tuned for more funky names✨

this just in on Dumpster Fire Live

 Today I was filling out a bunch of OC questions to flesh out Cassandra, a witch character i made, and one of the questions sparked an art idea. So I made a sketch comic  in MS Paint to get the idea across.

Then I was like, hmm I could add to this! So I started a bonus panel and then at 11 o’clock my computer locked like usual and that was a problem bc it closed my tab w/o saving. 

So fine ok I’ll just redo it, it’s a sketch it won’t take long. Finished first panel, nearly finished the second, then the computer locked AGAIN and I lost both of them. And by golly I was GOING to finish my cruddy MS paint sketch so I turned the computer controls all the way off and redid the entire thing a third time. So now it’s 1 AM.

oCtObEr ThE sIxTh

 

-  so so sooo much wind today 

- made homemade ziploc bag ice cream at THRIVE. was okay. should not have made two bags

- the lesson was on meaning. this has always been somewhat of a sore topic for me as I have struggled with feeling like life is meaningful since junior year (something something my life's meaning WAS productivity and being good at school. take that away and junior year me was very much lost. still am)

 anyway we went around and shared one thing that was meaningful, each of us. i said my doodling and by extension my art. it is a way to acceptably fidget in class as well as express myself. it is also how I realized i like the process of presenting something to someone and seeing them react positively. hopefully my future job will include this as well

-  current fanfic reading experience: *pulls up fic* nope *pulls up fic* nope *pulls up fic* ooh this looks promising... nope. *pulls up fic* why was this even tagged with The Character, it's a 1 chapter WIP and The Character is not anywhere in it?? *pulls up fic* nope

frankly fanfiction for this particular character is a waste of time. knowing this does not tend to much affect my choices after midnight 

-  absolutely beautiful outside. does not change the fact that the wind sucks and i hate it. but from a window the sky is beautiful 

 

- shoutout to everyone who comments on stuff. I love you and it really does help sometimes when i am feeling lonely 

now just a couple of housekeeping items

 SOUND A HERALD IN THE STREETS FOR I HAVE REGISTERED CLASSES FOR THE WINTER SEMESTER

We've got...

 - intro classes for Political Science and Communication, which are both majors I am interested in

- chorus for noobs

- NOT ancient greek (sorry ancient greek. I love you, but 4 credits is a lot and I will not use the language for anything) plus the guy i like in the class is transferring to Provo

-  creative writing... because if I try and take it with a full complement of classes, I will die. I may STILL die, but I might make a breakthrough. Either way, if I can't handle a writing class in a super slow semester, there's no way I can handle a major that is heavily writing-centric, like Journalism.

dude

 there's like seven people with all their halloween candy dumped on a cafe table and they're playing cards for the candy. That's the COOLEST thing. Forget trading, let's gamble with the spoils of carousing

nOvEmBeR tHiRd

 today was a sleep-deprived day, but the good version. as in I am boingish. words don't work but also when I DO talk it's usually with something clever or off-the-wall. things are funnier. the sky is pretty and I want to dance to class. or run. or do a cartwheel. or 

went to bed at an actually good hour and my body rewards me by waking up at 3 in the morning. just.........why

going insane over a new thing. i estimate it'll last a week? maybe less. depends on whether I think of anything else and also how much time and effort I put into prolonging the birbishness

new favorite song: talk to me. it's one of those songs you can play on loop while you study. just exited my angsty tragic song phase and now on the lookout for hopeful sun-is-rising stuff that plays in the movie when the falling action is winding down and we're getting reintroduced to normal life again

 1 thing that made my day today: got to the cafe at 5:30 ish and my favorite restaurant was still open. fluffy ruffle

 really am working to keep up with work. multiple rabbit holes on tumblr are making that difficult. plan: take a break for a few days or at least cut back. If I want goatman content I can birbing make it myself

 

november 2

 not much to say besides

- very late to church today. this will likely be a trend. still manage to get there though

- big topics: going to the temple, turning outside your own problems, not napping or being distracted in church

- one guy said "really felt the spirit in the meeting today, if you didn't pay attention and so didn't feel it, repent. That. that was needed. brib

- I have some people I know in my ward who I sit with now! it's definitely nice having people I know at church. 

- family history activity afterward. literally no teaching, she just said ok log in to the computer. now log in to Gemini, which byui provides for free. now get it to teach you. and that was the lesson?? 

anyway I mainly went because they had sandwiches 

  

more pictures