Sunday, April 19, 2026

dadadum dadadum dum dum~

 it uhhh it been a while. i blame depression <3 and also the fact that literally nothing happened this entire week. Spring break. spent a good portion of most days just laying around because I didn't have the energy to get up but I also wasn't sleepy so I couldn't sleep --

yeah. not the best

right now I'm sitting in my apartment absolutely ROASTING because somehow the heat has gotten stuck on. the floor is heated the heat is going and it's like 70 degrees outside so I am dYING

really not much else to say. played hollow knight wrote things drew things. drew a very nice pose with a dress and skirt and everything and I am 90% sure I would be unable to replicate it if I tried again but there you have it

tomorrow is classes! we'll see how that goes. Biology biology biology and religion, that's the lineup 

Tuesday, April 14, 2026

la-dee-la-dee-da-dee-dammmmm

 what a day mannnn

Rare Item Found: two cooking days in a row! even weirder, both tasted good... and most of the dishes are done now. To be fair a bunch of that was Sam because she is a dish WIZARD but still. I did at least some dishes today, AND I put a bunch of new stuff away into cupboards. I'm gonna be all confused for a few weeks because I don't know where anything is, but on the plus side of things I have a big cup full of knives now! And a bunch of matching cups. And some nice plates. and --

Yeah a bunch of roommates left stuff around and a lot of it's getting donated, but before that I nabbed a bunch of things. So now I have twice as many pans, and a bunch of plates and bowls and cups and spatulas and also a toaster and a blender!! I'm very pleased with myself, this is bringing me back to high school when I'd always be on the lookout for free food I could scavenge. Not because I didn't have food, I just forgot to bring any to school so I always went to the cafeteria and got a carton or two of milk and a piece of fruit. They served "breakfast" but that was just really sweet cereal and a Capri-Sun and I didn't really want either of those. So! Milk.

I've also been quite the yappy mood today as I'm guessing you can tell from the two LONG paragraphs above. Did some writing, did some research for said writing, stumbled onto several canon quotes that backed up a theory I'd had spinning around for a longggg time. Very pleased with that, because usually my theories are stuff that I pull out of the air and can't support. Not ideal! 

So of course I went through the entire recording I had made of the chapter and wrote down the exact dialogue as spoken in the game, and wrote up a somewhat unpolished essay on how the dialogue in this one chapter backs up my theory!!!!

And now I'm just kinda rambling here too. It must have been a slow day. I think I get a bit more ramble-y when I haven't got out much. My fault. I should get out more but it was a Tired day so I didn't except for a walk around the block. Maybe I should make a rule that as long as I'm doing nothing useful on my phone I might as well do it outside. That would get me some fresh air, at least?

Other stuff about the day.... oh here's something -- Sam has a new job now! She's going to older folks' homes to help them with stuff. Very cool and I think it suits her REALLY well like she's the sweetest and she really likes helping people and she tells me all the time that she really likes old people in particular. So I'm super happy for her :)))) (kinda making me antsy, though, about the fact that I don't have a job. I should really have one by now --)

Lavender nail polish I put on three days ago is still relatively intact today, even though I'd been moving boxes and messing with beds and cooking and allll the things. I'm actually quite happy with that, it's quite the durable nail polish! Finally took it off today, though, because my nails were getting a bit long and I wanted to cut them, and also they were starting to hurt and I didn't want to leave the polish on too long becaues it's bad for the nails.

Depression scarf really earned its name today though. After my temporary writing second wind I was very tired so I went to camp out on my bed and crocheted. Probably spent at least two hours on that before I finally got out of bed to... I don't even remember. But it was long enough that my head started to hurt because I was dehydrated. 

Fun new thing learned: Asian food is sometimes more forgiving than American food because it has so many strong flavors in it. I made egg roll bowls with burnt rice and very haphazardly measured spices and turkey instead of pork and like a bunch of other things and somehow it still tasted roughly equivalent to normal. Compared to a lot of other stuff I try to make that tastes a bit off no matter how hard I try to make it correctly, I appreciated that a LOT. Tangentially, I think next thing I cook will probably be soup in my slow cooker. I have not used it yet and I think I would like to.

Also up for the next few days: my computer! Desktop tower, I mean. It's still in the wrong apartment. Every day I go down to game for an hour or two. Then I'm like yeah I should probably move this at some point and then every time I'm like ...NAH that's a problem for future me so it's still there.

writing or drawing canon characters scares me. I don't like it. If it's my own character I can draw them however I want and nobody can jump me in an alleyway for drawing it wrong. But canon characters... oh no people have OPINIONS. I usually try not to care so much, but it does kind of stress me out because I know that if I get a canon character "wrong" then people won't bother to read or interact with whatever I did. And like. Sure if I get a canon character right then people will be interested but I'm not really confident that I can do that.

 Only one other person currently in the new apartment with me. Her name is Brooklyn and she is also new. She has two guys who are usually hanging around with her or helping her move in or eating her food -- one of them is the boyfriend and the other one just seems to be here for some reason. Not entirely sure what the deal is there. But she has made the effort to talk to me, which I appreciated? Her room is right next to mine and I hear that one song "Baby, baby baby OHHHH" like at least twice a day. I think it might be her alarm. Also sometimes she has her boyfriend in there and they'll be laughing really screechingly and it's like GUYS IM RIGHT HERE so that's fun. Good thing I have earplugs 

 

don’t even have the energy to write this song

 spring break! slow. Still need to get my computer up here but 💀💀💀 the cablessss

Besides that idk man we’re just kinda doing the usual. Made to the grocery store which is a win. Did some drawing. Having a bit of an existential crisis which I’m sure would resolve if I went outside and touched grass but that’s hard and I’m tired

Got my new room mostly set up though and that’s nice? Currently having issues with sleep. Either I take my sleep medication and go to sleep on time but I can’t get out of bed or I don’t take it and go to sleep at a thoughly unreasonable hour. Do I want to be in bed for 10 hours or 6?? 

GPA keeps dropping and I’m not a fan. Apparently I only get to keep my major if my GPA stays higher than it is and. REALLY. I do all this work to even get here and choose a major only to learn that I will get kicked out if I have a bad year?? I’m. I don’t know what to do with that. 

Oh it’s fine I’ll be okay it’s fine not to be amazing with classes — except, apparently, if I want to be an optometrist. Then you have to be awesome or you get kicked out. 

But you know. You can probably ignore half of this, I’m just depressed. GOSH I hate being depressed I hate it so much


Friday, April 10, 2026

I’m too far gone

 Well uh it would seem that finals week has come and gone. I hope it’s not too late to submit my final writing project >.>

Clean checks also done! That was a DEAD TIRED day and honestly I’m surprised I did any cleaning at all. Only $35 dollars charged for negligence which is substantially less than it could have been —

Two very cool drawings in the last week, I’m very happy with that. <insert GIF of Crazy Dave saying “on a ROLLLLL!!”>.

Anyway the good news is I haven’t died but gosh the mental health is suboptimal to say the least

At least a few friends are also home for break!! This is good bc  I won’t be left alone and sad :’)

Last Lazy Board Game Society meeting of the semester! Usually we meet at the game store but this time was SPECIAL so we met at the local Kareoke ice cream bar 👍🏼 which also has a bunch of vintage board games on the second floor. The food is pretty expensive but that’s bc you’re also paying for the experience. Whole aesthetic is very… unique… and all the food is fancy.

As always the portion sizes were way too big but I hope at some point I’ll be able to try the “Elvis” flavor. Banana ice cream plus caramel plus peanut butter plus bacon. As it was, I got a chicken salad. Spicy. Lots of fancy lettuce in the bottom, the kind that makes your mouth burn a little.

Whole apartment is clean and sad now. Nothing on the counters nothing on the end table, most of my bedroom decor was taken down all my food is stuffed in bags… feels like all the life is getting drained out of it. Not my favorite thing

But you know. Drawing good, poetry good. I’ve produced at least three things I’m genuinely happy about this week and I think that’s definitely a win.


Wednesday, April 8, 2026

photodump part θ

 











photodump part η!!!

 










don't get sleep

annd here's the rest of the week so far -- 

- very chill. last class was monday and very chill, just reading our writing to the class if we want, eating treats. I forgot I was supposed to bring treats so I was late, but fortunately I still had s'more supplies from an earlier FHE activity that I planned so I improvised little s'more bites.

- there wasn't any fruit!! or anything healthy, besides water. I was mad about that. Why do people go out of their way to provide gluten-free or dairy-free food, but not healthy food! sooo many people are on diets these days. what about them???

- like i just went to a movie yesterday. Super Mario Galaxy movie, very good, also the ending was literally the worst it possibly could have been <3 but yeah we got snacks beforehand and legit there wasn't a single thing I could find that actually sounded good. Just chips and candy all the way down. The theater sold chocolate milk and strawberry milk but NOT regular milk. what is up with that???

- anyway. im recovering from the road trip. mostly taking it easy. trying to get out more, because i don't go out as much as I should. working on getting my work in. I think some of it is already late. oh well. im just kinda done lol

- i'd been a writing kick for a bit but I've been doing a few more art things, and that's been fun :3

- idk man im not sure there's much to say. slow week. not too much going. slightly depressed. you know